ugh major cals

This weekend has not been good.

I've been majorly too sore to go to the gym and so have been lugging around like a whale. The family all decided to bake lots on saturday and so obligatory tastes were taken and in the evening I had a party and I got drunk. What does that mean?... HUGE HUGE HUGE CALORIES!!! 

And to follow up the disaster that was saturday, today Mother cooked a roast dinner with all the trimmings and on top of that I somehow managed to wolf down a wispa bar - 210 cals! yuk yuk yuk!

God, this week is going to have to involve some serious punishment. I'll be gymming it everyday, plus work out at home and there will be some huge restrictions. ... It'll be difficult though in the evenings as family dinner is a staple.

Oh well. No excuses.

Fat Cow here needs to lose weight.

yay

Yesterday was a good day, it was a 200cal day.

The session with the personal trainer turned out to be good - I can definitely feel it this morning! I went to the cinema later on with boyfriend, the film we saw was good and no eyebrows were raised about we not wanting popcorn.

I definitely lost, I stayed over and he doesn't have any scales, so I'm not sure quite how much. But, hopefully, there will be further loss today.

I'm getting my hair cut soon, I'll walk home.

x

loads o' thinspo!

lovely, lovely skinnies...

rather dull day

Today was rather dull.

Went to the gym in the morning for a while, which was good. There was this super gorgeous girl there, prancing around in skimpy gym shorts with her boyfriend, slightly sickening, but thinspiring nonetheless.

Later, I went 'shopping' with the whole family (which never works out well). My father and brother split off to buy computer games *sighs*, whilst I was stuck with my mother and whining sister trying to get the odd bits and bobs. I suppose I got to walk around some more...but I mean other than that it was torturous. 

Tomorrow I have the house to myself for the morning (really ought to do some revision!), then I shall get the bus to boyfriend's house for a session with his personal trainer.

Today was going wonderfully until my sister made fairy cakes and chocolate muffins which we all had to try, then father (completely inept in the kitchen) order a takeaway - that was just oozing with grease and calories yuk yuk yuk!

Hopefully though, my session in the gym will have countered some of the worst of that. However, today will have to be declared an 800cal day - yuk.

Also, quick moan, the only bloody scales in the house, for some reason unbeknownst to man, are only marked in 2lb steps, which makes it very hard to read my weight accurately...I can't exactly ask for a new set ("why would you want new scales? these work perfectly well!), possibly I could try for a little sabotage - but then again, knowing mother, it may be weeks until new scales are bought. So I guess I shall just have to cope!

That's all for now folks.

Tomorrow is juice fast day! yippee!

x

34 day fast

This is an idea stolen from another blog which I read, however I've made slight adjustments so that I can realistically fit it into my life.

Basically, I have planned out 34 days worth of calorie intake. Some days are given a limited number of calories eg. 400cal limit and some days are set aside for fasts, be it liquid, juice or water.

I do not have to follow the days in chronological order (this would be impossible for as, because I'm still living at home, I don't have this amount of control over food) but at the start of each day I will pick a day and follow the rules for that particular day. Today, for example, has a 500cal limit. 

Exercise or workouts should be a bonus on top of my total for the day, but if I have failed for that day, I can redeem myself by burning double of the said limit.

I have incorporate two 'cheat days' into my fast because I know I am weak and will need them, and at least if I've allowed for them I shan't feel so awful.

Weight this morning, unsurprisingly was up. I don't know if I will have lost by tomorrow, but I ought not to have gained.

I've got a lot of work to do now...

First post...

This will be hard.

I will fail at times.

I need to stay strong.

I shall try to succeed.

This will be a personal record for myself, I can only feel truly accountable for my actions if they can be admitted to somebody, and as these are not the thoughts and deeds which one would wish to divulge to ones friends, at least in this medium they are released from stewing in my mind.

I don't want to list a long tiresome history of all my past eating habits and weights, I'm not doing this to reflect upon the past. I don't have an eating disorder (see my weight for proof). I don't want an eating disorder. I simply want some control over myself. I am, to be blunt, intensely unhappy with my current appearance and wish desperately to rectify this 'problem'.

Problem + Action = Solution. simple.

I'll throw some stats around, it'll hopefully make things a little easier to compare later,

My current BMI is 21.71 (or so the NHS website would have me think), thats with a height of 5'9" and weight of 147 pounds.

I am a UK size 12 - obviously varies from shop to shop, but I'm never a 14

To be right upon the cusp of healthy/underweight, I would have to weigh 8st 10lb - thats 122lb, a long long way from where am I now. I'm not saying this is where I necessarily want to be, but it opens up the perspective a little.

I'm going to give myself a realistic goal weight of 132lb by 2nd December, that is five weeks from now and the day of the 'Santa Dash' in which Boyfriend and Father are competing, and, as it is often brought up in tame banter between the two, hopefully it will act as a encouraging deadline. That would give me a much prettier BMI of 19.65.

If I can see at any point that is going to be impossible to achieve, then perhaps the boundaries will need a little reshuffle, but this will be the target.

Today's intake was disgusting and uncounted. Tomorrow's shan't be.

I have set my alarm for 9.00am, this will give me a good balance between non-eating hours and moving hours. I shall go to the gym and get a good work out sorted. I do find though that the cross trainer is so more calorie burning efficient that any other machine that I feel somewhat disinclined to use them, which leaves me awfully weary with the routine.

Boyfriend has booked me in for a session with his personal trainer on thursday which I am partially dreading (due to the ticking off I am bound to get), but also partially looking forward to (hoping so much that he shall have something useful to impart). Nonetheless, be it abhorrent or thinspiring, it'll still be an hours workout, which is never a bad thing.

I'm never sure which is best for me, being at college, or being on break. If I'm at school, food is plentiful and easy to access and your friends inviting you to do lunch, on the flipside, it is full of thinspiration, routinely structured and right next to the gym. If I'm on break, there are snacks in the house, more group meals and always somebody around but then dinner is never as regular and parents are easier to avoid.

Anyway, now I am on break until Monday and I've a relatively unbooked schedule, so hopefully I'll get down to the gym a lot this week and be able to restrict in time for fasting fun at school.

Tomorrow shall be as much water as I can swallow, and only solid with people around to watch.

I am going to keep a notebook on me so I can record every calorie that goes inside of me so I can account for it later...I may tot up today's total just for repulsion.

thinspire me to succeed...